I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The uberlube is also flammable
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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