I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
