Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
