so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
