headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
