ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
