Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
