dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
