just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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