we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
