This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
