i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
