I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
