so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
