I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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