PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
