You made me cry and you don't even care
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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