Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
