I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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