When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
