this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
