By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
