I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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