In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
