I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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