Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
