i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
