I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
