Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
