I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
