I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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