I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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