this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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