yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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