Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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