I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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