Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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