Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
