A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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