So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
