I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
