just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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