alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
