There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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