Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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