Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
