i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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