I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
