her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
