I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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