he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
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She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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