wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
