Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
