We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
me + whiskey = a bad person
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
