I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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