I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
