you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
