smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
