idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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