my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
