He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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