I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
