I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
