ugly people sure do ruin things
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
