He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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