When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
