Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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