Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
