My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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