Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
