If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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