I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
