The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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