Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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