I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
