tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize