I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
