if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
