I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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