Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
