Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
