Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
