I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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