She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
